How humanity fell in love with 50-pound boxes of glass and radiation
Before your fancy flat screens, before your "retina displays," there was THE TUBE. A magnificent beast of glass, metal, and enough voltage to light up a small village.
1897
Karl creates the first CRT, originally just to watch electrical waves dance. Little did he know he was birthing the future of procrastination technology. His friends called him crazy. "Why would anyone want to stare at dancing electrons?" they said. Karl had the last laugh.
1922
Humans realize they can use CRTs to watch OTHER people do things instead of doing things themselves. Productivity plummets. Society rejoices.
"I used to read books. Now I watch a phosphorescent tube. This is progress!" - Everyone in 1922
1940s
World War II happens. CRTs in radar systems help spot enemy aircraft. Pilots squint at green blobs on curved screens. "Is that a German bomber or a large bird?" becomes the question of the decade.
Fun fact: Radar operators developed "CRT vision" - the ability to see meaning in random phosphor dots. This skill later proved useful for understanding 1980s computer graphics.
1950s
CRT TVs invade American homes. Families gather around 12-inch screens, marveling at fuzzy black-and-white images. "It's like having a tiny movie theater in our living room!" they exclaim, ignoring the fact that the "screen" is smaller than a modern tablet.
TV repair becomes a lucrative profession. Every neighborhood has "that guy" who can fix your TV by hitting it in just the right spot.
1970s
Computer terminals adopt CRTs. Programmers spend 16-hour days staring at green-on-black text. The term "terminal" becomes prophetic as eyesight deteriorates globally.
> HELLO WORLD
> MY EYES HURT
> SYNTAX ERROR
1981
The IBM PC arrives with its matching CRT monitor. It weighs 38 pounds and displays a whopping 80x25 characters. Users are impressed. "Look at all that text!" they say, not realizing they're looking at less information than a single tweet.
1990s
Gamers discover CRTs have ZERO input lag. Quake players achieve superhuman reflexes. CRT monitors become holy relics in the gaming community. LAN parties require structural engineering assessments due to monitor weight.
Sony Trinitron becomes the Lamborghini of monitors. Owners develop massive biceps from carrying them to LAN parties.
2000s
LCD manufacturers claim their screens are "better." CRT enthusiasts scoff. "Better? Your 'better' has input lag, motion blur, and can't display true black!"
The Great Betrayal begins as manufacturers stop making CRTs. Enthusiasts hoard them like doomsday preppers.
2024
Retro gamers rediscover CRT magic. Prices skyrocket. That monitor your grandma threw away? Now worth $500. Professional Smash Bros players refuse to play on anything else.
Chiropractors report 400% increase in business from people carrying CRTs up stairs.
Sure, they weighed as much as a small child. Yes, they consumed enough power to run a small village. Of course, they emitted enough radiation to give Spider-Man his powers. But dammit, they had CHARACTER!
No LCD can replicate that warm glow, that gentle hum, that satisfying THUNK of the degauss. When you turned on a CRT, you weren't just starting a monitor - you were firing up a piece of history, a monument to human ingenuity, a 50-pound testament to the idea that bigger, heavier, and more dangerous somehow meant better.
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